The man with a mustash
by Ithax Warhammer
Summary: Ranma can be stupid... yah... but only i can make a story as stupid as this. In which Ranma get a few lessons from Akane.
1. Default Chapter

Ranma ½  
In:  
THE MAN WITH THE MUSTASH  
By Geordie Bilkey  
  
Good evening and welcome to my Fanfiction entitled THE MAN WITH THE MOUSTASH. (At this point I start talking like an old radio action show announcer) In this we join our heroes in a battle to the death with a large monster (Generic anime scene #85) Created by god knows who, from god knows where (okay so it was Akane's Cooking again) which has apparently taken the form of Alex Trabec, again for god knows why, near the Koi pond in the backyard. In this scene do not worry about continuity in any form because that would require mental sanity and I apparently have lost all of mine  
  
Disclaimer: I so not own any of the characters in this fic or any characters, shows, or symbols referred to in this fic Except for:  
  
Ithax Enterprises And Ithax Warhammer (who probably won't be appearing in the fic anyway so never mind) (Ithax Warhammer is a copyright of Ithax Enterprises Charitable Foundation and Drive-Thru Rhinoplasty Clinic. Unauthorized use of Ithax Enterprises logos, documents, weapon technologies, vehicles, mecha, clothing, prophylactics, hairnets, fishing rods or wild dogs will be punished by swift and merciless pointing-and-laughing-while-poking-with- sticks. Respect the aw-thor-it-tay of Ithax enterprises! Fnord. Shantih, shantih, shantih. Spacong.)  
  
If you are unsatisfied with this fic please return unused portion for a full refund. Nahhh!  
  
CHAPTER 1  
The battle and the headache  
Or  
The ladle woman is all-powerful  
  
"What the hell are you doing Ranma, go and kill that thing!" Yelled an irate Akane, who was in the process of dodging another set of laser blasts from the eyes of what appeared to be Alex Trabec.  
  
"That's what I'm tryin' to do!" Shouted an equally irate Ranma, who was currently unable to move because the monster posing as Alex was telling him a series of answers to obscure little questions that he didn't know (Obviously) and was giving him a migraine that was borderline in pain with a brain hemorrhage.  
  
This line of stupidity continued, Akane dodging laser blasts and Ranma incapacitated by his near Brain hemorrhage headache. While all of this was going on, the hitherto unknown Presence of Genma was drinking sake nearby watching them all; Soun was god knows where (actually Ithax himself told me that Soun was really under a tree some Kilometers away recovering from the blast that created this monster). Then suddenly a large blast of water came from somewhere near the gate and the monster was no more.  
  
All the heads whipped around to see the ladle woman standing there with her ladle and bucket. After a few moments of staring at her, the old woman turned on her heel and walked away completely oblivious to the looks of stupidity on everyone's face.  
  
Some minutes later a small bucket of water appeared on the suddenly female Ranma's head, taking it off and flinging it at Soun, he looked up to see. nothing at all.  
  
"What the hell was that?" said the redhead in her cute feminine voice, shaking out her hair, "Why does this always seem to happen to me at the least convenient times, I wanted to go get laid. Ah well can't get laid every day of the week."  
  
Everyone stared at him, including a blackened Soun who had just turned up to ask what the hell was going on and why the author was making everything so stupid and pointless. (Mission control the fourth wall is weakening)  
  
"What?" said Ranma, cocking her head in a very cute and feminine way, "Can't I get laid every once and a while?"  
  
It was at this point that Akane grabbed Ranma by the back of the neck and whispered into her ear very sexily, "Come on Ranma, its time you started using that body of yours for the most pleasure you have ever had."  
  
"Where are we going?" Whispered back an interested Ranma, who at this point was all for pleasure. Even though he had played around in his female body but he had always chickened out from really getting down to business, afraid of making him less manly. But since it was Akane offering and he was board with nothing to do he went along with it, figuring it would all be worthwhile in the end.  
  
"To my room." Said Akane, now pulling him up the stairs towards her room.  
  
"Why there?" said Ranma dumbly.  
  
"Why do you think, to teach you the joys of being a woman." Said an exasperated Akane "What did you think I was doing in there all night moaning?"  
  
"I thought you were working out"  
  
"Yah, a lot of girls work out in their beads late at night while moaning, are you that dense?" She said as she finally got to her room and pushed Ranma in before going in and closing the door behind them muttering, "Stupid Ranma."  
  
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It is now time for this Chapter to end *BEEEEEEEP*  
  
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There its my Second ever Fanfiction and I'd just like to say sorry to those of you who are crying at this point because of the gratuitous OOC and evil contained within this fic. Please tell me what you think, FLAME THE HELL OUT OF ME IT YOU WANT!! I just want reviews and feedback. 


	2. The moment of zen

Ranma ½ IN: The man with the moustache By: Geordie, the insane overbearing maniacal freak of nature  
  
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Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or their respective shows, any further discomfort is therefore your own problem. The only thing I do own is:  
  
Ithax Enterprises And Ithax Warhammer (who probably won't be appearing in the fic anyway so never mind) (Ithax Warhammer is a copyright of Ithax Enterprises Charitable Foundation and Drive-Thru Rhinoplasty Clinic. Unauthorized use of Ithax Enterprises logos, documents, weapon technologies, vehicles, mecha, clothing, prophylactics, hairnets, fishing rods or wild dogs will be punished by swift and merciless pointing-and-laughing-while-poking-with- sticks. Respect the aw-thor-it-tay of Ithax enterprises! Fnord. Shantih, shantih, shantih. Spacong.)  
  
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And now time for your moment of Zen for this chapter.  
  
I AM THE MAN WHO BRINGS THE DVD PLAYER TO THE ANIME CLUB! ALL BOW DOWN TO THE MIGHT OF GEORDIE THE DVD BOY!!!  
  
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And now its time to meet the author, weather you want to or not.  
  
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This is the first time I have continued anything I have written. The only exception maybe was for a few grade-6 language stories that made no sense at all except for a small Harry Potter parody entitled Harry Potter and the big frog. that's my story and I'm sticking with it. Thus the stage for me writing fan fiction was set and here I am many years later finally getting to that fanfiction set, due to traffic, and dusting everything in my brain off and getting to business.. I wonder how long I can hold my breath for..... (Gasping sounds are heard)..... (A dull thud is heard followed by a woman screaming and strangely enough also followed by a small bat, in a jar of formaldehyde beside my keyboard). (Some days later) Ah back from the hospital again, good thing Canada has free medical or I wouldn't have a computer. Anyway Id just like to thank the one person who flamed me for they're kind roasting of me with a stupid question and id like to answer it for them, hem hem. OF CORUSE HE HAS THE MOUSTASHE ITS CALLED THE MAN WITH THE MOUSTASHE HE HAS A MOUSTASHE THAT'S THE ONLY REASON I CALLED THIS STORY THE MAN WITH THE MOUSTASH BECAUSE OF THE WEIRD MORPH OF COOKING INTO TRABEC OK, GET IT???!!!!???!!!???!!!!!! No? Well I think I know how to settle this. A race around the world, meet me at the town of Barrie, Ontario, Canada at 12:00 noon tomorrow. you don't want to? Well I win!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Thank you. NOW on with THE fic!!!  
  
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Chapter 2:  
  
The explanation Or The very moronic chapter  
  
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(Once again speaking like an old radio announcer) Good evening and welcome to the outside of Akane's room where just moments before we watched this majestic highly predatory beast drag Ranma in his female form into her own den! Why this kind of behavior has only been seen in extremely OOC fanfiction. it makes you think doesn't it? This is very exciting ladies and gentlemen, lets see if we can hear any of the proceedings inside.  
  
"What are you doing Akane? Wait, no I need those stop it! What are you doing?!" asked Ranma, soon after the unmistakable sound of someone rummaging around in the top drawer of a dresser is heard followed by a soft buzzing, "What's that, a massager thingy? I didn't know that you had one. wait where are you going with that? Akane what. no not there, no I don't want to do this any ohhhh, Ohhhh, OHHHHH!!"  
  
Well. let us join the party of people who are crowded around a small monitor in the backyard of the Tendo household that is propped up on a stump.  
  
"Saotome do you really think we should be doing this? After all it is your son." Said a concerned Soun, "Tendo I want to know exactly what your daughter is doing to my son" Said Genma  
  
As this conversation was going on Nabiki was tuning into the surveillance camera into Akane's room to display on the monitor. As she sets it up we see the pair on Akane's bed stark naked doing something so OOC, and hentai, that my monitor exploded. several days later with a new monitor we see Akane looking straight at the camera, with Ranma still in the background. Akane pulled something, off screen and the screen went static.  
  
"Damn, I knew I shouldn't have plugged it in," Mumbled an irate Nabiki. "Shows over cant get a visual, though you still have to pay up for the service."  
  
Meanwhile outside of Akane's room  
  
Well that's not moral. But let us join the company of someone who does not think of. well he doesn't think of very much at all (no offence to those who think this guys cool) Ryoga.  
  
In my basement  
  
"Where am I?" Asked Ryoga "Who are you, why are you playing the cello, listening to anime theme music, writing psychotic fanfiction and drinking Mello Yellow by the gallon?"  
  
"I'm the author, deal" Said Ithax Warhammer the great, air to the throne of Essex, defeater of the Romulans, and generally really cool guy who is completely the opposite of me. "Now go and please the reviewers by going back into your universe and showing up at the Tendo household."  
  
"Huh?" Asked Ryoga "What the hell are you talking about?"  
  
"Here Ryoga *whistles like dog trainer*" Said Ithax, as he held up steak in front of recently replaced computer monitor "See the steak? Get the steak!"  
  
"Oh no, I am not a dog! No matter how doggish my teeth look like!" Exclaimed an angry and vicious looking Ryoga "I shall no longer be treated like an inferior just because of my abnormally large canine teeth. but that steak does look very juicy, and tasty, and and.. oh god I want it!!!!"  
  
Ithax threw the steak into computer screen with a smile, which had turned into a black swirling portal. Ryoga jumped after it and the portal closed.  
  
"There. wait a second. where exactly did I send him? Asked Ithax "Oh well, now where was I on that Cello/Anime soundtrack/Fanfic/soft drink?"  
  
OOOOOOOOOOOkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. As our god-like author is guzzling Mello Yellow by the crate we return to the Ranma ½ universe, namely the koi pond in the Tendo household.  
  
A black portal opened up right in the air above the Koi pond, out of it fell a very juicy steak followed by a screaming windswept Ryoga. Both of which fell into the Koi pond, seconds later a small black pig was seen thrashing about in the water. Trying to support the combined weight of both his body and the steak he so foolishly chased into the black hole.  
  
Thought a struggling P-Chan   
  
Squealing in delight, the happy pig joyfully awaited the time he would be able to eat his prize, forgetting completely who put him in this situation and the concern of where he was.  
  
Seconds later he was on the rocks of the Koi pond eating his steak with squeals of delight, when suddenly a hand reached for him and picked him up.  
  
"What were you doing in the Koi pond you stupid pig?" asked an irate Genma Soatome "Hmm what's this, a juicy steak at the side of the pond? Shouldn't you be in my stomach you delicious looking piece of meat?"  
  
Saying this Genma dumped the steak in his mouth, dropped the pig roughly on the ground, then walked away chewing as he went.  
  
P-Chan squealed his head off I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE!!!   
  
As he thought this, P-Chan realized something. THE BASTARD MUST DIE!!!  
  
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Well that's it for this one, I hope you enjoy my sweat tears and blood that I poured on this one. no literally I poured all three on this thing when I printed it up see? Well no you can't see it through the monitor so. yeah. hope you enjoy it. yeah. R/R. CANADA RULES. well it seemed to be the thing to say at the time. I know.. I just. yes I just. I said I know. yeah. uh huh. no I haven't but I will. yes I have. no I don't want to. anything else would you like the Fanfic moved a little to the left or. no. *Phone hanging up* sorry had to answer that. Now where were we. oh yes CANADA RULES!!!!!!!!!!! R/R!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!! LMAO!!!!!!!!! LMFAO!!!!!!!! ROTFL!!!!!!! ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!!! BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
I LOVE YOU!!! __________ Ithax Warhammer __________ 


End file.
